Oh, it's coming along and with it is the confidence that I actually know what I'm doing. While A. is still my numbero uno photog, I have really been enjoying my adventure in doing more self-photography. It's been fun, silly, and very trial-and-error. Sometimes it may take me ten tries but it's also been really fun in figuring out ways to prop my camera. 
Some lessons learned: (1) Sand is great for propping a camera, but not recommended if you don't have a protective phone case. 
(2) If you're going to have to keep your shoes on, make sure they're lightweight...heavy shoes are a B*. 
(3) Don't kick up, take your time in setting up for the handstand. The likelihood of flipping over greatly increases with excessively exuberant entry.

Long time, no post...my bad. I've been working on being a dedicated student, so it was certainly for a worthy cause. I just wanted to pop in quickly to share some yoga inspiration from the world of the internet and to share with you some things that I'm finding. I'll try to do this more regularly from now on.

The first is from the blog Honeystuck on handstands and facing our fears: 
"There’s an art to losing control. A certain grace in coming undone. Handstand itself is one of the more graceful human postures, I think. Just this incredible strength in stillness. For a frenetic type, sometimes nothing is more terrifying than stillness."...Amen sister. If the second worse case scenario is falling down, it's worth the effort!

From Elephant Journal, an article titled, The One Practice That's Holding Us Back. Are you practicing avoidance in your yoga practice? Do you chose to not go to a class that's going to take you out of your comfort zone?

Feeling stressed, a bit frazzled? Well I have something for you! A free Yoga Nidra practice! This is a 45 minutes restorative practice to help restore and relax the body. This comes to you from Yoga International, which also has another interesting video on an x-ray of yoga in motion. If you're a anatomy nerd like me, you may enjoy watching this short video. Honestly, I wish it was longer and showed more poses.

And, because everyone enjoys some infographic action, here are a couple on the benefits of yoga and how it changes your body. Also from Elephant Journal.

Life is hectic, yeah duh! So having the opportunity to slow down and enjoy life and one's surroundings is truly a blessing. The last two weekends I spent in Asheville, NC have been magical. I think I'm still processing the whole experience, but am completely grateful to have been able to be a part of an awesome prenatal/post-natal training as well as finishing (finally!) my 300/500 hr yoga therapeutics training. I now have the honor and pleasure of having been a part of two separate training groups, and thoroughly enjoyed getting a whole new group of gifted and talented teachers from which to gain knowledge and ideas. Hopefully, some of my little tricks rubbed off on them too! Stone hedge pose is pretty awesome, I will admit. 

Anywho, will all that said, I finally feel ready. Ready to go out and teach yoga again, to slide into that role and try my best to bring some release and interest to classes I teach. I was hesitant to say the least before leaving for this trip. A little scared that I'd lost my touch and maybe didn't even want to teach anymore. But after taking a few classes at home, experiencing a couple weekends with teaching involved, and being around groups of really lovely yoginis, I really want to jump back into the flow. While I do not intend to overload my schedule, I would love to take on two to three weekly classes and start getting the creative juices churning. I feel so invigorated and engaged that it would be such a shame to let that energy go to waste. While it is never my intention to be a super-yogini, I'm super happy to be creating and feel like I'm getting my own voice back. 


So to leave you with a few words of wisdom:
“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” 
― Pema Chödrön

“He that can have patience can have what he will.”
–Benjamin Franklin

Failure? No, abstention. I continued to do handstands everyday until two days before my wedding. Why stop? I went a "little" too far. In the best intentions of getting a lovely rooftop patio shot, I thoroughly injured myself....at my own bachelorette party. 

Drunk?  No, but kind of wish I had been. 

Stressed, a bit frazzled and sleep-deprived? Yes, absolutely. 

When I get stressed, I develop this tendency to push my handstands a bit too quickly, "kicking vs. lifting" as I like to call it. Well, that's what I did on Day 116 of my year of handstands and quickly banged my tiara-wearing head on a balcony and making a nice slice of skin flap on my pinkie toe. Painful? Yes and bloody, but not as painful as the experience was to my ego and the true embarrassment I felt for going for a scenic shot instead of just using a good 'ol wall as a backdrop. 

Lesson: Don't let friends do stupidly located handstand.

So, with this event, my father and husband-to-be (for the second time) announced that I was banned from hand standing for the foreseeable future (or at least until after the wedding). Good call. 

So why have I not done/posted any since? Well, I have done some, but decided that for me it may best be to take that intensity off. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do the daily handstands. And while I was not always healthy, I was darn sure that I would do my necessary handstand. While I expected to take just a couple day break to squeal the fear of disaster from my family, I also promptly started getting sick right after our wedding. Great timing. This just further pushed the need to "try" and take it easy. Doing a couple of well-wall supported handstands, I couldn't help but have these lovely flashbacks to my own personal handstand disaster and of what could have been even worse. So, I conceded. I did not give up on handstands, but for the sake of my own sanity (and that of my husband's) I took a a bit of a handstand photographing breather. So, while I'm back in the game and needing to catch up on my photos, I'm consciously trying to keep it out of an obsessive-state of focus. To be honest, it kind of took the fun out of it for me. So while it may take me more than an exact 365 days to complete my project, that's okay, since I'm pretty sure that my health and sanity are far more important in the long run. 

Ugh, it’s rough. But working through the bumps in the road is always a part of life. Whether that’s healing the physical scars, getting back on your feet to take that next step towards running from walking, or building the courage to step into a studio and take a yoga class. 

It’s personal. 

A battle with your own sense of self and what you are or are not capable of doing right now. Being okay with being, as you are. 

That’s my battle. 

Albeit, there has been a legitimate reason to avoid yoga studios and turning up the running too much, I’m craving to take that next step. I love yoga, and while I do adore the ability to roll out of bed in literally anything and do a self-practice or follow an online class, it gets stagnant. Regardless of the level of difficulty, I’m craving human interaction that only an studio class provides and to join the yoga-community that I’m now living in. I want to feel inspired, to get that rush that only a new class experience or a genuine interaction with another teacher can provide. 

I know my limits, will be avoiding explicitly “hot” yoga for the sake of my health, and looking for my fit. From my brief yoga experience while visiting before getting sick, I did feel inspired, excited, and wanting to hit the ground running with my teaching. So while the pace may have slowed and the focus shifted, I’d certainly like to work on dipping my toes back in.

Woohoo, made it to 67 days! Despite some complaining from my regular photographer, my husband, I've made it this far and can definitely tell the difference of how each handstand feels now versus how it felt two months back. 

Day 64: Early morning beach time, in a little nook of a beach that has become our favorite spot. With the morning sun I was able to get some nice shadow action, making thisweekend handstand a two-for-one. 

Day 60, major milestone: handstand on the landing without ever touching the wall behind me and holding it for an extended period of time. I was literally so excited that this happen that I essentially acted like a giddy little school girl. 

Day 56: Public display of hand standing. Embarrassing A. with any chance I get. 

Day 50: Scoping out possible "engagement" photo sites. This was a winner of a location, not to mention a fun place for some impromptu yoga.

Day 46: Recognizing and accepting when you really just can't handle a full out handstand after a long day...listening to my body. 

Day 42: The "invisible" handstand from Facebook. While this pic does show up on my phone it seemed to be incapable of properly uploading. So, here it is. Sorry, not particularly spectacular.

Day 39: How many attempts at self-photography does it take to get yourself in the frame?...apparently 10 (for me). Oh well, it was a handstand/forearm-stand workout for sure! 

Now, I'm no yogini-guru but I do have some experience under my belt whether as a teach or a student. And, I have plenty of experience as an anemic, particularly of the Aplastic type. So over the course of my treatment, my yoga practice has certainly changed and modified to fit my needs and my mood (to be honest). So, when I did a little research and googling at the start of this, I was a little miffed to see that shoulderstand (Sarvangasana) was frequently recommended. While I am certainly a fan of this posture, with the degree of my anemia and the fact that I had a PICC line in my chest for five months, this was a major no-no for me. In general, inverted postures particularly with my feet above my heart, were really not feeling good for this lady. I did find however, that Legs-up-the-wall (Vipariti Karani) was a very relaxing, comfortable, and a safely invertin posture. 

So what helped?

First off, gentle yoga was the name of the game and focusing on the breath was very important. If I did no "physical" practice at least I needed to do breathwork (pranayama) and some meditation to take off my edge. When I didn't do this, I'm pretty sure my parents could tell, as in I could be one cranky B. 

In terms of the breath work, I did the some pretty standard ones from: Alternate nostril breathing (Anuloma Viloma) to Ujjayi. But one thing I worked on particularly is something called "Healing Breath" which focuses on stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system to create a relaxation response. I learned this from an Ayurveda course with Healing Light Yoga Therapy and if I paid attention to nothing else from that class, at least I gained this helpful tool. 
How to Do The Healing Breath
Find a comfortable seat, whether supported in a chair, laying propped by pillows on your mat or whatever...you're going to be here for a little while.
1. Put your right hand on the abdomen 2 finger-widths below the navel.
2. As you inhale slowly, rather than raising the chest, start with expanding the abdomen, pushing the abdomen gently against your hand, then filling the chest.
3. Hold the breath for a pause. 
4. Exhale very slowly, with your throat almost completely closed (as if making a noise like Darth-Vader, gently pushing your abdomen against your hand. (This last point is going to be counter-intuitive to your initial tendency. You should feel a very slight pressure in your chest and abdomen as you exhale in this manner.)
5. Repeat.

Once you feel comfortable with this, then practice it as a 7 – count inhale, hold for 3, and then do an exhale for a count of 12.

After you have practiced this way for a couple of 10 minute sessions, let go of the retention of the breath for 3 counts. Just relax into the breath and make sure the exhale is longer than the inhale in terms of timing.

Day 10: Away from the wall action...was fine until deciding on some one leg action and taking it a little too far causing me to flip over and crash to the ground. No major injuries, just a bruise on my hip...lesson learned.

Day 17: Last handstand before my little facial fall. The L-shape. The following morning I fainted and it was deemed necessary to take a break to get my bearings back, hydrate, and let my face heal. We weren't going to risk having me get dizzy or pass out during a handstand, so I took it easy for four days.

Day 19: Palm-tree yoga or the start of tree handstands in general. Discovered that one of our palm trees in the backyard works perfectly for handstands, located a safe distance from the canal so as not to fall into that body of water.

Day 23: Some more beach time handstands and use of tress. The story behind this incident is that I wanted to use this big broad trucked tree to insure I had good support (and wouldn't fall off the cliff), but A. thought the smaller tree was safer since it's wasn't in front of as sharp a drop off...well, for once, he was wrong. I just incurred some scraps (nothing serious) and a bruised ego. I then went ahead and did a handstand at the originally intended tree, success. Lesson learned: if at first you don't succeed, simply try again (somewhere else)!

Day 30: another beach highlight but much more successful. At Fort Hase beach, on Sunday morning, no one else was out there, it was windy, and the sky was absolutely beautiful. Really nice start to the day. 

"Someday, somewhere - anywhere, unfailingly, you'll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life."--Pablo Neruda

Day 32: first attempts at self-timing photography. This was the best picture of the patch, it's a start! Once A. got home, the photography got much better. Threw in a little leg action for fun to celebrate St. Patty's day, was trying for a heel click, but that just scared A.

Day 36 & 37: Anniversary weekend handstands. On a balcony, nice breeze, and a great view of Diamond Head. Perfection. Great surprise from A. 

Honest yoga...and what exactly would that entail? Well, according to me, honest yoga is the yoga you do when you can. A yogi(ni) who may not have time or energy to fit in a class or "full" home practice but still fits yogi in? Yes, that's honest yoga. 

Since being in Hawaii this last month plus, I've certainly found myself following this sort of yoga practice. Have I had fatigue and extenuating circumstances? Yes, but even with that I get my "yoga on" daily in even the most basic of ways. Why even bother if I'm not fully committing? Well, that wouldn't be very yogic of me now, would it! 

Even though the type-A side of me very much feels this way about doing something completely and in a certain way, I have much more important things to be caring for. Like my health and jeopardizing that is the opposite of my goal. So, I'll continue to take my home practices however short or scattered throughout the day they may be...5 minutes here, 10 there...it does add up. And it's me being more intuitively aware of what my body actually needs instead of spending a whole class doing something that drains me out instead of building me up. Group yoga classes, I will return to you. But in the time I need to, without fear of excessive heat or germy people. I will be back. But until then, I'm flying solo and building up my strength and endurance. 

One thing I heard about handstands from my 500-hour training  that bears repeating, is to think of yourself as a tree but upside down, using the hands as we use our feet to balance. 

So your hands become your feet. Pretty simple, right?

How to do simply do it:
Start at a wall, sit down and place a block (or whatever other object you choose) in line with the soles of your feet while your sacrum touches the wall. 
Then come into downward facing dog and proceed to walk your legs up the wall.
You literally want to create an L shape with your body, so that hips are stacked over shoulders stacked over hands and legs extend straight back to the wall. 
WARNING: This pose, when done properly can be more challenging than it looks! It helps to first or concurrently work on building core strength. Planks, when correctly done, are your best friends. 

Some tips and tricks from the L-Shape:
-Really work on the alignment, keeping the body over the foundation (your arms), parallel to the wall. 
-Engage the core: core, core, core muscles. "Button and zip up those abdominal muscles"!
-Externally rotate your arms (not the hands) if not straight.
-You can try lifting one at a time, away from the wall. 
-With one leg lifted, you can then try pointing the toes of the other foot, to further focus on less wall contact.

Be aware that one person's handstand can certainly look different than another's, it's about finding the core strength, keeping lift throughout the body (feel like your pushing away from the floor), and having patience...this things don't magically happen overnight. Unless you're just "that person" ;-)