Yeah, it's true, Island time really does exist. Not only do we skip observation of daylight savings out here, everything else has a habit of moving slower. Great for those in vacation mode, but a bit of an annoyance for people who want to get things done, plan, or generally feel that things are guaranteed. Is that wrong?
Glad that I have time.
But, not so glad about the relaxed speed of medical care. While I would like to take a moment and recognize that I do really appreciate and like my new medical team here, they are not expeditious in returning phone responses or lab results.
While I understand that the oncology department deals with a whole host of crazy illnesses, super bad blood levels, and that I present a rather healthy case, I still want (actually need) to know what my results are, even if they are not at a dangerous level. As in I'd like to stay ahead of getting sick again and see how/if I'm progressing. Is that too much to ask?
I understand that their protocol is to notify the doctor and have him call me back...but well, that always takes a really long time...as in I'm still waiting two weeks later and will be seeing him again, tomorrow. Let's just say that I was spoiled back in WI with results received an hour later and then available online. So, I'm going to have a chat with my doctor tomorrow and make it clear that I just need to know a few particular results and that I'm perfectly fine if it's only the nurse or lab tech who calls me. Because at this point I know what I'm looking at and where my levels need to be. Simple solution, right? I hope so, because recommending a patient-accessible medical record system is going to be much more complicated and expensive for them to come by.
Wow, that's a pretty ugly word. But many of us fear it, and why's that? Why do we, as women in particular (I can only speak on my experience), fear failure whether in our life or in the spectrum of an activity such as yoga?
Now here's my philosophical question, how can you fail in yoga?
No really, you can't. You can't fail in yoga unless you designate some crazy, unattainable expectation for yourself. Yoga can meet you where you're at, not just where you want to be. And that's why yoga is such a beautiful thing that we need to embrace for its flexibility (no pun intended) and not focus on some sort scale for standards of achievement. Just let it be.
Should you not continue to work and grow in your practice? No, you absolutely should if that's what you want to do. But if you don't have the health, energy, or ability to further challenge yourself to achieve more difficult or deeper postures, work on "being" with that. Hold that space in your life for a practice without expectation of results, because once you can do that, it helps to take away that fear of failing. I'm always working on that. Especially after this whole experience with Aplastic Anemia.
I know my stamina and strength are not what they used to be, I mean, I get winded by too many stairs or too tough a yoga practice. Yet I'm okay running/jogging on a flat surface and am able to slowly build up my time length. What gives? Accepting and not feeling defeated by where I'm currently at.
Is this failure? Certainly not. Nor is it a failure to not be working at a job right now. While I'm not always confident in or feel a bit disconnected from a purpose at this time, I know deep down (and keep reminding myself) that I am working on healing, getting better again so that I can continue to live a full and healthy life, free from major backslides into neutropenia and the need for transfusions.
So stop labeling things as either a "success" or a "failure" because from where I stand, there seems to be a lot of gray areas. And, I think (finally), that I'm completely okay with that.
It's become a weekly ritual that I look forward to on Sunday evenings, that time of week when most of the world feels grumbly that Monday morning is coming so soon.
We take a walk. But not just any walk, a beachfront walk that lets us see the setting sun over the misty mountains. Sometimes this plan faces is a little bit of resistant..."But we've already walked today, do we still need to go out?!".
My answer is always an emphatic yes.
These walks are a release, hypnotic, and purifying in a way that only such a walk could be.
We walk either on the beach on a trail along the coast, walking up to an oft-visited outcrop overlooking the water and the mountains behind us.
You can follow the curves of the coastline, the peaks and crests of each rolling wave, and feel the breeze as you stand above it all. Whether we are quiet and contemplative or chatty and discussing the week ahead, this little escape eases anxiety over the work week ahead.
I hope (and strongly recommend) that everyone can find their own version of Sunset Sundays to the make the week ahead just a little bit brighter.
Is this me gloating.
A redheaded, yoga-lover/teacher, runner, and wife currently dealing with a little medical setback.